Days Gone By
by FirecrackerCelica
Summary: Every Hearth's Warming Eve, a pony cuddles up onto bed and cries her eyes out, just to ease the pain she always feels.


The day had come again; the most painful moment of her life.

Well, she should be used to it, for _the day_ usually comes every single year. She tackled all those tormenting days and she survived anyway. This should be common. She somehow felt numb, like it was a routine. Crying on the inside was her talent.

Yet somehow, tomorrow felt different; different... _different,_ a way she couldn't comprehend.

She felt empty, incomplete, all blank. Although she had the life she'd been wishing for and nuts, she was a bearer of one of the Elements, a part of her was missing; she longed for something.

Parental love; one that she wouldn't experience ever again. Not even the Elements of Harmony could heal that. Only if they could use those magical artifacts to turn her heart into cold stone, she should have done it already. In that way, she wouldn't feel the pain lingering within her.

Speaking of the Elements. Currently, they didn't have it. They gave them up, in hopes for the better. They even transformed into a magnificent castle, for all of them to look upon.

They accomplished great things. They fought evil altogether. Fixed other ponies problems and helped all of Equestria.

Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship. Surely, they were all proud of her, Princess Celestia, too. And most probably, her parents would be as well. Their faces must be unimaginable, with utter happiness and proud for the achievement of their daughter.

Rainbow Dash, the Fastest Flyer of all of Equestria. Although she wouldn't admit it wholeheartedly with all seriousness, she _really_ was the best pegasus out there. She could work individually. She might suppress even the Wonderbolts. She was worthy of great cheer.

Rarity, the Fashion Diva. She wouldn't say it herself, but she was confident with everything she did. She had produced all the luscious garments and dresses in Equestria. She might even be known all around. She was a beauty to behold. Certainly, her parents who would be knowing this could squeal in glee.

Pinkie Pie, the Greatest Baker she had seen, who brought smiles in everywhere she would turn her head. She was not aiming for the highest, not like Rarity and Rainbow Dash, but she also had something noteworthy. She was the ambassador of joy, who would raise anypony up in times of despair.

Fluttershy, the Animal Whisperer. Just like Pinkie, she had no so much of a dream. She was as humble as the earth and would rather stay grounded just to tend the creatures of all sizes in need. But despite of this, she could be the greatest pony there is. She had the grace of a goddess and beauty.

Now, _what_ was she? Jus' the plain ol' Applejack, the farmer of apples and other kinds of crops for all Ponyville to eat. Indeed, she became the savior of Equestria as well, like her sweet friends. She had accomplished the same honor, just like her friends.

But to whom should she share all these?

Top of the list was her Granny, and her siblings. They were _proud_ of her, really, but there was something in her heart that felt blank.

No mother would caress her when she felt sick. No father would tell her to stand up when she stumbled.

Not anymore.

All those achievements felt nothing when she couldn't show it to them. When she couldn't run home screaming, " _We just saved Equestria from evil!_ " She couldn't see the smiles her ma and pa had whenever she came home from school, bringing a paper marked with _A._ When she won in a rodeo, with blue ribbon and a big trophy, no ma or pa would gallop to her and give her a hug.

They weren't just in Fillydelphia, or Pegasopolis. Neither in Manehattan or Appleloosa. They weren't in Equestria anymore. Her parents left her. Left her yearning for their love and care; _love and care_ that weren't there when she needed. _Love and care_ she tried to share with the family she had that was left. _Love and care_ she wouldn't get no matter how much she screamed for it. _Love. And care_ she wanted.

Hearth's Warming Eve had fallen once more and she was left with empty heart. Applejack couldn't go downstairs this time, Granny and Big Mac knew that. Her friends were just really persistent when they called her to come over Canterlot to do the play last year.

And now, Pinkie alone. She invited the Apples to come over their rock farm to celebrate Hearth's Warming there. She couldn't turn down rhe offer, since the mare literally begged and kneeled in front of them, saying how exciting to celebrate the holiday with two families. She also continously said how _fun_ it was to be with her cousins.

But Applejack still had something inside her that she needed to leave behind the farm before going there.

She still had to cry her heart out, for today was the day of mourning. This was the exact day when her parents had to leave them, with no goodbyes.

Tomorrow was another Hearth's Warming, when the Apple Family would share a humble meal and eat it wih solemn silence. Another day when they would rush in the morning and rip their presents apart, just to flee from the heavy luggage every Apple had.

But it was also the day when something was _always_ missing. It was not really a time of joy; but a time of blue.

She sobbed and sobbed under her pillow, in hopes she would just be numb of all these mixed feelings. She dried her throat up, and bit her lips real hard, releasing a track of blood from them. It was just too much to bear. That _crying on the inside_ was just a facade to mask the real sadness within her. She had to wear it. She just _had_ to.

But doing that was the same as lying to herself. _Lying._ So much for the honesty she was known about.

The mask was intended to hide all her burdens to herself, for her to stand up and never lose her ground. Yet, it was not just for herself alone; it was _especially_ for her little sister.

Thinking about the poor filly, she couldn't hold it anymore. She let out a cry, and buried her face on her pillow once again.

Apple Bloom was her _life_ , rather than the farm. She was the reason of bottling her emotions to this extent. Applejack had to be strong for her. Her little sister must not feel this same feeling she was tackling all these years.

She took care of Apple Bloom, together with Granny Smith and Big Macintosh, and gave her the _love and care_ both the elder siblings didn't have enough. They shared to her the moments they longed to see. They showed her how to be strong and be the pony she had to be.

Applejack had always been there for Apple Bloom. The thing she wanted to see from her parents. She always had the time to give her. She had the patience of a mother and the emotional strength of a father.

Finally, she felt like she lost all her tears. She flipped her body until her back was against the bed. Her golden mane scattered across her face, which was also covered with her warm tears.

Her face looked blank, her emerald irises surrounded with red. She showed no emotion, for she almost felt nothing. This was just what she needed.

Suddenly, her door slowly flung open, leaving a short creaking sound. She snapped her head toward it and narrowed her bloodshot eyes.

"Are ya done?" Apple Bloom stood sheepishly, her lips forming a feeble crescent.

Applejack sat upright, blinking rapidly. "A-Apple Bloom? Have ya been there all along?" She said, cracks within her voice.

Her sister shouldn't see her in this situation. It would just break the filly's Hearth's Warming spirit if she would see her big sister crying in the eve of the holiday.

"I guess..." The filly with a bow looked at her side and rubbed her hoof. She frowned slightly and looked at her somewhat broken sister. "Can I...ya know. Talk?" She asked, hopefully.

Applejack softened her gaze, as she let out a sigh. "C'mon 'ere, lil' filly," she gestured her to come, as she pulled the covers off of her legs.

Apple Bloom somehow pulled a very great force within her hooves, as she tearfully galloped toward the bed and jumped onto Applejack, who was caught off guard. She wrapped herself around the elder mare and buried her face on her sister's shoulder.

"Have ya been like this the whole time?!" The filly cried, her voice slightly muffled.

Applejack was still surprised, but wrapped her arms around her sister nevertheless. She also buried her head on the younger's back, as she tightly closed her eyes. "I don't know, Apple Bloom. I... don't know," she bit her lips, and sobbed once.

Tears streamed down the young pony's amber eyes. "Why didn't ya tell me?! Do ya always have to hide in this here room jus' ta' make yourself..." Apple Bloom paused and looked down. "...beaten?" She whispered.

Applejack held her sister tighter, but not too strong to hurt her. She looked above and harshly wiped her tears. She then released Apple Bloom from the embrace and made her sit down in front of her. They stared at each other for a long time, with neither of the siblings uttering a single word.

"I have a song for ya'" Applejack managed to crack a smile.

Apple Bloom sniffed, as the elder pony used a hoof to wipe the filly's tears. "I'll listen, then," she grinned and shuffled from her sitting position.

Applejack glanced sideways. "Nah, ya' gotta sing it with me," She smirked.

The filly pouted but nodded eventually. "Make sure it ain't about bulidin' barns no more."

Applejack chuckled. "It ain't, I promise, " she cleared her throat.

This was a song she knew from deep within her heart. Every Hearth's Warning Eve, she would hum the song and stare at the sky, remembering the days gone by.


End file.
